EPISODE 25 PARENTS ARE COMING GIRL CLEAN So your parents are coming to visit you for the first time since you’ve left the apartment you used to share with your old frat buddies. But why not make mom and dad proud, clean that house good, and while you’re at it, try and let the neat bug infect your system. First things first, you need to buy some supplies, boys. Get your ass to the grocery store and avoid the frozen food section. You’re going to need more than paper towels and a bar of ivory soap. Grab a bucket, a mop, and a broom and dustpan. You’ll need window spray, all purpose spray cleanser, and a bottle of lemon cleanser. Buy a bunch of J-cloths, which are basically reusable paper towels, and some sponges and dishtowels. BATHROOM Start with the grossest room first. Pour some of the lemon cleanser in the toilet and scrub the hell of it with your toilet brush. Flush and repeat about 3 or 4 times, till all the streaks and stains are a distant dirty memory. Next comes the grossest part – get on your hands and knees and familarize yourself with the porcelain god. Use your cream cleanser and a wet J-cloth to get into all the nooks and crannies as well as the lip of the toilet. Clean until it gleams, and then do the same around the base. Rinse off the cloth and clear off all the cleanser residue a couple of times. Use the cleanser on the sink and bathtub next. Clean your windows and the mirror with the glass cleaner. Pour about a half an inch of lemon cleanser into the bucket and then half fill it with hot water. Mop the floor with quite a bit of water, and then ring out the mop and mop over it. Continue until the floor is clean and there’s just a glisten of water on the surface. Now clean out your medicine cabinet of all the old toothpaste tubes, rusty razors, and empty shampoo bottles and your bathroom is ready for action! Make sure to do a once over and check all of the nooks and crannies to make sure you haven’t missed some nasty foreign fungus or tree lizard that might have gotten in there in your more, "unruly" days. KITCHEN Follow the same routine you did with the bathroom, as far as getting into the corners and scrubbing like a demon. The thing you want to pay attention to the most in the kitchen is what food is still good, and what food is vieing for biological weapon status. Once the counters are done, clean out the fridge completely. Decide what to throw out and do it. Then scrub the inside of the fridge like there’s no tomorrow and put all the good stuff back in. Do the same thing to your cupboards. Get inside the stove with the oven cleaner – just follow the instructions on the can. Finally, do the floor. Remember to work backwards towards the door, so that you can step out of the room and let it dry without getting wet. EVERYTHING ELSE Clean from the top of the room down, so dirt and dust have the opportunity to settle on the floor – then finish the whole job with a vacuum or broom. DID YOU KNOW DID YOU KNOW: Saffron is the stigmas of the autumn crocus it is expensive because it must be harvested by hand. It is best bought in its thread form as opposed to powdered. The powdered version, although cheaper, is often cut with sundry spices. To obtain the best flavors from it infuse it in water as in above recipes. DID YOU KNOW: Coarse salt is used in our recipes, as it does not contain iodine, which perverts the flavoring abilities of salt. Iodine was added to salt during the war era by the government who believed that people were not getting enough iodine in their diet. It has not been removed even though people’s diet has been improved. To get back to the pure taste of salt we suggest using coarse salt, which is salt in its purest form.

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